- Wake up 7:39 am
- Eat breakfast with Heart
- Help the helper doing the household chores
- Take a nap
- Eat lunch
- Rest
- Went shopping with my StepMotha
- Its kinda hard to make friends with her but I have to
- For my father’s sake
- Spent 6K just for shopping, like WTF
- Went home
- Find out that our helper went back to their place
- His Dad died
- I miss Daddy
- I cant afford to lose him
- Tumblr

I’ve been through a lot this past few weeks. Problems here & there. Only few people stood up with me. Stayed beside me & help me deal with it. Through there advises, hugs & jokes just to make sure I’ll be completely fine. Until now I’m still on the stage of dealing with it, but I know God never give you problems which you cannot handle. I know I’ll be fine soon. Hopefully real soon.

When I was young, I used to think I wasn’t like any of the other girls around me and I could prove it too. I would wear pants when skirts were called for, I would chase bugs when the others screamed, I hated eating dessert (and still do) and I always always thought I would never let love get the better of me.

I was always under the impression that when I fell in love, I would not lose my independence. I would not be needy and clingy and insecure, I would be strong and tough and not let a boy get in the way of how I lived my life. I had a very clear vision of what kind of relationship I wanted and I set about looking for the exact same thing I had in my mind.

Then I met you & I loved you. A concept that was foreign to me. You told me that you liked me because I was different, I was independent, that I wasn’t a girly girl. So our life began & it was great. We had our ups & we had our downs. & my life became intertwined with yours. So intertwined that I began to lose myself forgetting who I was and what I set out to be. & slowly things began to unravel like a t-shirt with a loose thread. It was slow but it was evident.

Recently when things got really tough, you called me out on how I used to be a girl you admired and came to love. my unique nature. that i am no longer the same person. i am now the clingy, needy, insecure girl I never thought I’d be. Now I actually care about what people think of me. I care how people view my relationship. I reach conclusions in an impractical and illogical fashion.

I would like to point out that you are not wrong. I have changed. yes, I still rebel against wearing heels and I think long hair is cool & I’d still choose pizza over ice cream any day but when you made me love you everything changed. Love changes everything and I don’t know why.

Girls act in irrational ways because we’re often so scared of losing the one thing we think we can’t live without. If you felt threatened that someone was going to take away your heart wouldn’t you be on the alert too? So we hold on tight and don’t let go. But this often means we end up losing the one thing we were trying so hard not to. I don’t believe I’m the first one to go through this. History has shown that I am not. Movies have indicated that the outcome of such affairs are not positive. & yet here we are, girls, constantly making this same mistake. Why? Because love is not a rational thing to begin with.

I just got home from the hospital. Yeah, I celebrated my 20th in Ciudad medical Hospital. My Dad suffered from heart attack, so instead of celebrating it in Lutong Pinoy Resort I had to celebrate it in the Hospital. Though I feel awkward being with my step mom, still I decided to stay with my father to make sure that he will be in good condition. Glad that he is now ok, and we are now at home. Thanks God.

I feel like I am slowly giving up. My Dad got married again with someone who is younger than me. My Mom & big brother is ill. My bf & I broke up last night. My step mom is a gold digger and a social climber and my birthday is fast approaching where in no one remembers because they are so damn busy with their own life & I have nothing else to do but to stay in one corner and cry. I feel so alone. I dont know where to stand. I’m slowly giving up. I hope I’ll get through this. I’m leaving for Turkey in one month & I am not so sure if I made the right decision to go or not or will just stay here and finish school. :’(

Just got home from my Wushu class. Wushu class didn’t ended up well cause my little cousin lost his brand new shoes which just both by his Dad in KSA. And we kinda freak out since we had our helper to take care of our valuables. Good thing our trainer had her slippers with her, and she lend it to my cousin. On our way home we drop by in a what they usually call it point point (turo-turo). We ordered different street foods. Yeah. We forget our diet. Haha. Loseerr! Then we parted ways, we went home. They went home too.

Not literally hate. But le fact that you’re always the person whom your elder sisters and brother ask to do this and that. You’ll asked to buy this stuff and if they forget something you’ll go back and buy it. I hate being left alone when all my sisters and brother are already earning for their living, like working abroad. What sucks is when they finally bid goodbye to being single and finally marry the person they love. I may sound so selfish but it really hurts knowing that you’re not anymore living in the same house, same bedroom, eat dinner together, just having fun together. I’m afraid if they’all got married they’ll forget me and worst they will never have time for me anymore. I have my hommies around me, but its more different when you’re with your family. You can be yourself at all time, you dont have to pretend that you’re happy or gloomy cause by just looking at you they already know whats going on with you. My peers keep on telling me how lucky I am for being the youngest. Somehow yeah, its osum to be youngest but its sad and frustrating. Since everyone is expecting a lot from you not to mention your parents.

I just miss those days when my siblings are still kids and we hang-out. We play balls, hide and seek. And they’ll carry me. They’ll help me tie my shoe laces, they’ll fool me, they’ll buy something for me after school, they’ll make fun of me but at the end of the day they’ll tell me those 3 words and 8 letters, “I love you”. And everything will be fine.

Yan ang tanong sakin ng isa kong kaibigang lalaki. Bakit nga ba? Sa totoo lang hindi ko rin alam ang sagot. Nakakapraning. Napaisip ako, bakit nga ba?

Ang mga babae kasi aminin na natin mahirap intindihin. Yung maliit na bagay pinapalaki namin. Iba ang tumatakbo sa isip namin parati, kaya minsan hindi nyo kami maintindihan. Inaaway namin kayo kahit wala namang dahilan. Yung pinakamaliit na bagay marahil sa inyo, para samin sobrang big deal na. Importante samin yung oras at panahon nyo kaya sana pag bigyan nyo kami kung hingin namin yung oras at panahon nyo, yun lang kasi ang kaligayahan naming mga babae. Kung minsan siguro pinagdadamot namin kayo sa ibang mga babae, kahit pa sa pinsan o kabarkada nyo lang. Natatakot kasi kaming maagaw kayo ng iba samin. Ganon kayo kahalaga samin, hindi namin kayang makita kayong may iba. Moody marahil kami paminsan minsan, siguro naiinis na kayo sa paghahanap namin ng gulo kahit wala na man kayong nagwang mali. Nagpapalambing lang po kami sa inyo, akala kasi namin mapapansin nyo. Minsan gusto namin sinasama kayong maglakwatsa kasama ang mga barkada namin o kaya kapamilya namin, hindi para ipahiya kayo kundi gusto lang namin na makilala nyo sila kasi proud kami sainyo. Gusto lang namin na ipangalandakan sa lahat na proud kami sa boyfriend namin. Hindi naman namin hinihiling na ibigay nyo samin yung mga bituwin o kaya tawirin yung bundok para samin. Ang hinihiling lang namin ay intindihin nyo kami katulad ng ginagawa naming pag iintindi sa twing naglalaro kayo ng dota at nakalimutan nyo kaming eteks, sa twing naglalaro kayo ng basketball kasama ang mga barkada nyong lalaki, sa twing nakakalimutan nyo ang monthsary/anniversaries, sa twing hindi nyo sinasagot ang mga tawag namin kasi nanonood kayo ng NBA o kaya naglalaro ng DOTA, sa twing kinukulit namin kayong samahan kaming mag shopping pero ayaw nyo, sa twing nagagalit kayo kapag nagsusuot kami ng maikli, sa twing nagseselos kayo sa mga lalaking napapalapit samin.

Iba nga talaga ang noon at ngayon. Nung summer dito panay ang usad ng dash ko. Halos wala ata akong tulog non. Yun na siguro yung masasabi kong pinakamasayang SUMMER ng buhay ko. Seryoso. Nang dahil sa Tumblr ata lumabo ang mata ko. Haha. Walang araw na umalis ako sa harap ng laptop ko, kundi lang siguro kakain, gagamit ng banyo at matutulog. Bente kwatro oras ko halos kausapin sina Angbatangbaliw, Maharot, Superhangin, Akosiwapak, Wonderinday, UnwantedRache, Paul at si Sam. Ang daming kabaliwan ang naituro nila sakin. Haha. Don din nagsimula ang salitang “Halay”. Na lagi nilang tawag sakin. Kabikabila ang meet-ups dati. At yun nga nilusob ko ang Maynila para lang makita ang mga Tumblr celebrities na ito nung Valentines Day meet-up. Ang dame ng nagbago ngayon. Wala na halos sila. Hindi ko na alam kung saan na sila napadpad ngayon. Nakakamiss ang dati. Ang mga tawanan, at ang maga kahalayan. Loll. Pero seryoso hindi ko lubos maisip na posible palang makabuo kayo ng samahan ng mga taong nakikita mo lang sa harap ng laptop mo. Nakakamiss ang dati. Naalala ko pa non, sobrang patay na patay ako kay Kristofferrawr, Hspy at Smashingnico at si Kyle(I forgot the URL). Yun bang kahit siguro tuldok lang ang ipost nila, click ko kaagad ang heart. Ganon ko sila kamahal. Haha. Naalala ko pa yung kinatatakutan ng lahat dati, si Original Mapanlait. Halos lahat ata ng famous eh na-bash nya. Pwera na lang ako. LolJK. Siya na. Andameng napagbintangan, pero walang umamin, oh may umamin hindi ko lang alam. Nakakatuwa ang Tumblr dati. Everyone’s here for blogging. Hindi na tulad ngayon. Bihira na lang umuusad ang dash ko, namimiss ko yung mga tao ditto dati. Andyan pa naman sina Matabangutak. Pero yung ibang idols ko. Halos bihira na lang mag blog. Busy na marahil sa kani-kanilang buhay. Tulad na lang ni Superhangin, saan na kaya siya dinala ng pagiging superhangin nya. Nakakamiss yung mga araw na uuwi ka ng maaga para lang makapagtumblr, para lang ikwento yung nangyari sayo sa araw nayun, nakakamiss yung mga taong nakilala ko dito na bihira ko na lang makausap at makita ngayon. Siguro nga tama sila, hindi pwedeng umikot na lang ang buhay ng mga Tumblr-ista sa Tumblr. Ang masasabi ko, nabago ako ng Tumblr at mga pananaw ko sa buhay, naging open-minded ako, natuto ako ng maraming bagay at higit sa lahat nakakakilala ako ng mga taong nakakaintindi sa mga bagay na hindi kayang intindihin ng mga tao sa labas.

Salamat David Karp, it’s you already. Isa kang henyo. Hands down ako sayo. :’)